Many parents feel guilty when they divorce from the other parent, because they know this will have an impact on their children. This can be especially true for adopted children, as parents worry that the divorce will bring up feelings of rejection or abandonment that remind them of their life before finding a home. While some children who were adopted may be triggered into experiencing old feelings upon receiving news about the divorce, there are ways to support them so the process is less painful and traumatic.
Be Open To Co-Parenting
Needless to say, when two people get divorced, they can quickly become very resentful and contentious towards the other. It may be tempting to try and push the other parent as far away as possible, both emotionally and physically. However, it can make things easier on your children if you are open to co-parenting. If you feel like your anger towards the other parent is getting in the way and influencing your decisions, it is recommended that you attend mediation. Your attorney can work with you to get you emotionally prepared for mediation sessions, for the benefit of your adopted children.
Don’t Bad Mouth Your Spouse
It doesn’t matter if you are on the phone and your children hear you say bad things to someone else or you make a comment to your children directly, as speaking poorly about their parent can cause heartache. As your attorney may tell you, it doesn’t matter how badly your spouse did you wrong. When your children are around, you have to act in a manner that doesn’t make them feel as if they have to take sides. Additionally, it can have a negative impact on your case in court if your spouse makes claims that you are pinning the children against them.
Try To Maintain a Sense of Predictability
As adopted children, they may be worried that their world will once again be turned upside down where the future is unpredictable. To the best of your ability, try to maintain a sense of consistency so they feel more secure. For instance, if you normally take your children to soccer practice on Saturday afternoons, then keep doing so if possible. Of course, other elements of their lives are going to change, but whatever can remain consistent make an effort to continue it.
Reassure That Your Children Aren’t to Blame
Children may automatically believe that they are the reason you and your spouse are divorcing. Due to the emotional difficulties that adopted children often have, it is imperative that you reassure them that it isn’t their fault. Sometimes adopted children think that something they did lead to their biological mother giving them up. This insecurity can then swiftly come back up during the divorce. And remember that having an attorney to work with you and offer advice during such an emotional time can make all the difference.